Seeing the Sinner: Yourself

…The only way in which you know the seriousness of separation from God is in your own experience of yourself. Moses writes to Poeman,

‘If you have sin enough in your own life and your own home, you have no need to go searching for it elsewhere’.

And, more graphically, from Moses again,

‘If you have a corpse laid out in your own front room, you wont have leisure to go to a neighbor’s funeral.’

This is not about minimizing sin; it is about learning how to recognize it from seeing the cost in yourself. If it can’t be addressed by you in terms of your own needs, it can’t be addressed anywhere – however seductive it is to say, ‘I know how to deal with this problem in your life – and never mind about mine.’ The inattention and harshness that shows we have not grasped this is from so many of the desert monks and nuns the major way in which we fail in winning the neighbor. Poeman goes so far to say that it is the one thing about which we can justly get angry with each other.

A brother asked Abbas Poeman, ‘What does it mean to be angry with your brother without a cause? [The reference is obviously to Matt. 5:21]. He said, ‘If your brother hurts you by his arrogance and you are angry with him because of this, that is getting angry without a cause. If he pulls out your right eye and cuts off your right hand and you get angry with him, that is getting angry without a cause. But if he cuts you off  from God – then you have every right to be angry with him.’

To assume the right to judge, or to assume that you have arrived at  a settled spiritual maturity which entitles you to prescribe confidently at a distance for another’s sickness is in fact to leave them without the therapy they need for their souls; it is to cut them off from God, to leave them in their spiritual slavery – while reinforcing your own slavery. Neither you nor they have access to life. As in the words of Jesus, you have shut up heaven for others and for yourself. But the plain acknowledgement of your solidarity in need and failure opens a door: it shows that it is possible to live in the truth and go forward in hope. It is in such a moment that God gives himself through you, and you become by God’s gift a means of connection another with God. You have done the job you were created to do.” (Rowan Williams, Silence and Honey Cakes: The Wisdom of the Desert, pp 30-31)

 

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